My second chemo a little rougher!

I took my second chemo on Tuesday July 13. Blood work was good. I got another A+ from Dr. Baltz. Things are looking good. My port was really swollen for some reason. They drained 30 c.c. of fuid from around it. Wow this made it feel much better. They said it was normal. It was just my body's way of responding to the foreign object placed inside. I was greeted by my new friend Jane. Man I love that woman. She is such a ray of sunshine. Anyway... I went back for chemo. I had just been given my Benadryl to help with the itching along with some steroids. They started one of the chemo drugs and in no time I started feeling real funny. My stomach got this really weird feeling. It took a couple of minutes for me to realize that I was breathing heavy and trying not to get sick. I hollered for one of my nurses and she got me a shot of Ativan and stopped the chemo. Before it got stopped though I had the worse hot flash that I have every had. She explained to me that I was having a reaction to the chemo that is just a fluke thing. The Ativan immidiately stopped the nausea and hot flash. It knocked me out. They started chemo back up and everything was fine. It freaked me out alot though! It also wore me out. I went back today for the rest of my fluids and nausea medicine and my shot. All went well, I was out in 2 hours. I am really tired now. I have already had a couple of naps and getting ready to take another one. Tomorrow and Friday will be my worst days. Thanks again for everyone taking time out to read the garb that goes through my head!

My hair is gone!!!

It has taken me a few days to get to where I can kinda laugh about not having any hair. Wow! It is really freaky. Sometimes I still have a hard time looking in the mirror. It started coming out really good Thursday. Everytime I would touch it, a few strands would come out. By Friday it was worse. I couldn't even sleep well, for fear of turning over and my pillow being covered in hair.
On Saturday my "scrubbing bubbles" cleaning crew showed up to clean my house. Let's just say that my house has never been so clean. After everyone left Saturday night I decided that I didn't want my floors and everything else covered in hair after things were so clean. I also didn't want to go into the next chemo worrying about my hair. So... I enlisted Brady with his clippers to go out back and shave it off. He was realy worried that I was going to be mad at him, but he did it like a pro. I on the other hand cried like a baby. I came inside to take shower to be by myself so that I could cry for a few minutes. I got out of the shower and heard Brady in Kimber's room trying to get her to go to sleep. I had moved some of him shoes in the bedroom from the living room in front of the dresser. I decided that I should move them or someone was going to trip over them and get hurt. I took some to the bathroom closet which is where he keeps his stuff. I came back around the corner to get the other ones and ran into him face to face. He scared me to death. I scared him to death. I started crying and told him that he jumped because I was ugly and bald and he didn't recognize me. I also told him that he thought he had a stranger in him house. He told me the only reason he jumped is because I did. Hmmm....don't know if I believe that. We both stood in the bathroom and cried for several minutes. This was good because we had both been trying to be strong for the other and hadn't really cried in front of each other since it had all started.
I went to church the next day after crying myself to sleep in my new blonde wig. I got lots of compliments, but crap that thing is itchy. I wore another one to work on Monday and found myself in the bathroom most of the day with my wig off scratching my head. You wanna talk about feeling good!!!! Thanks to everyone for your kind words and encouragement!! I couldn't do this without everyone's help!!

Another doctor's appt.

I had an appointment with my gyno yesterday. I was particuarly nervous since the CT I had had previously showed a possible fibroid cyst on my uterus. None of the doctors seem concerned, so I guess that I won't be either. I guess that I was afraid that my luck would strike out again. I was afraid that there would be a problem. I am really glad that the appt. is behind me.
My cleaning crew showed back up today and let's just say that my house is cleaner than it ever has been. I am truly blessed! Thanks to all!!!!

My new friends at chemo!

I am kind of backtracking now to make up for the last couple of weeks. I left recovery after having the mass removed and the chemo port put in and headed down the street to start chemo. I wasn't nervous about the surgery but was scared to death of the chemo. Looking back I am glad that I was doped up on morphine. Let's just say it took the edge off of the first. The waiting room is full of people just like me. Looking around I notice that I am obviously the youngest person there. I went right in for some lab work that is routine for every week. I then went to meet with Dr. Baltz. Anyone that knows me knows that my family has tons of support and travels to doctors appointments with an entourage. They allowed everyone that was with me to meet with the doctor to ask all of the crazy questions that one could ask. I was really hoping that my first chemo treatment would be a little private and that I wouldn't have to receive it in the big huge room with watchful eyes. I lucked out a little bit because I got placed in the overflow room that is big enough for 3 chemo patients. I started chemo with 2 gentlemen. One a truck driver that receives chemo every week. Another comes every couple of weeks and has received treatment all over the country. Even doctors in other states highly recommended Dr. Baltz. This guy must be good! After my first 2 friends leave I meet a woman who is being treated for breast cancer. I found out that she is almost finished with her treatments after a much difficult road. Once diagnosed she started chemo and then got scared and ran from the disease for two years. She was one lucky girl. She is going to be ok. Next came in my new ray of sunshine, my new friend Jane. Jane is a 63 year old breast cancer survivor fighting for the second time. She was so bubbly and happy. God knew that I needed her there on my first day. She was such an inspiration to me with lots of words of wisdom. We now see each other every week and are planning our chemo times together. Each week when I go, I see that I am not alone in this battle. The back room is full of people just like me fighting hard to put an end to some horrific disease. It was really hard for me to say, but now I can say that I have cancer. I have what everyone in the world fears the most next to death. Wow!! It has already taken over a little piece of my life but that is all that it is getting. I have said from day 1 that God led me to this and he now will see me thru this. Thanks everyone for your continued love and support!! God Bless!

Enjoying ice cream!

I am sitting now watching Karlee very enthusiastically eat an M&M flurry. Who knew that the little things in life could be so fun yet challenging? It does take my mind off the very obvious next phase of cancer.... hair falling out, for a little bit anyway. I have been living in fear of this everyday now since Monday. There is one part of me that wants it to just fall out all at once. I can kind of see it happening as if I was a big oak tree in the fall with lots of dead leaves just waiting on a big wind to blow and all of the leaves falling off at once. I feel like I need to walk holding my head very straight and still so that I can protect every last hair on my head. The last 2 days I have had several strands fall out when brushing my hair or drying my hair. It terrifies me. They say that when you go to sleep you will wake up and your hair will be all over your pillow. Kimber didn't sleep last night at all. I think that I outsmarted my hair another day, because I just dozed off and on. It didn't know that it was night time. My head is getting more tender every day. This is another sign that it is fast approaching. Everyone says it is just hair and that it will grow back. I know it is, but it is my hair. What if I have the ugliest bald head a person could ever have? I know that once I get past it being gone, everything will be fine. It is just another first in the having cancer saga. Have I told you lately how much having cancer sucks?

Starting a blog

Someone told me to start a blog to keep up with my thoughts and progress of the vicious cancer cycle. So here goes nothing! Where to start... I was having back pain and went to doctor to see what the problem was. I did physical therapy for 3 weeks because that's what insurance wants you to do before they will investigate further. It is really sad that our insurance company decides what steps must be taken for our health. As if they care about us as long as we keep paying those premiums!! Anyway... After 3 weeks of therapy my back was still bothering me. So, my wonderful Dr. Purifoy arranged for me to have a M.R.I. on Wed the 16th of June. I went for M.R.I. at 7:30 that morning and went to Dr. P's at lunch to find out results. Wow! The scan showed that I had several lesions on my lower spine that were consistent to someone who had cancer in another source that had attached to my back. OK, I thought that I was going to find out that I was going to have to have back surgery, not that I might have cancer, crap!!! So the next morning I went to my local hospital for CT's and a fabulous mamogram! Ouch!!! While I was standing in the boob smashing room waiting to find out if the pictures took I noticed a sign on the back of the door that said that after you reach 30 a person's chance of getting breast cancer was 1 in 251. When I saw this, I knew that I was going to have breast cancer. I then had to go to have an ultrasound of my right breast. I thought oh no, this cannot be happening to me. I always thought that I was invincible, because God had blessed me with two special needs girls. My oldest one, Kimber, is 7 and has autism. My baby girl who is 3, Karlee Elisabeth, has a developmental abnormality of her brain, called Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum. They will both be fine, but I thought this was my safety net. WRONG!! It is crazy to think that I have what people dread most in life next to death. CANCER! I don't feel like I have cancer! What are you supposed to feel like? Sick? Hmm... My back was hurting not my breast. After seeing the breast surgeon Dr. Hagans on Friday the 18th, I came home to see if I could feel the mass. After all he drew on my breast where it was. I laid in the same position and guess what? That breast didn't feel any different than the other one. This just shows that routine exams don't do any good if you don't know what you are feeling for! So... I had surgery on the next Tuesday the 22 of June and had the mass removed and a chemo port put in. When I was recovered I went straight down the street to my new best friend's office, Dr. Baltz. This is the man who is going to make me all better! I sure hope he has the secret potion to keep this superwoman flying. I still have lots to see and do. You know, I think the hardest part of this horrible disease is watching it hurt the ones you love. I am so used to being the person who says we can do it and nothing is going to stop us. I am the strong one! Now what? It is very hard being the person who everyone wants to help. I am the one supposed to be helping everyone else. I am having to learn how to say thank you a whole lot more. My family has truly been blessed through this. People are praying for us all over the country. By the time little Stacie gets through with me she will have the whole country of Mexico involved as well! Thanks girl!! Lots more to tell you about, but wanted to get it started and see what you think! Thanks for everyone's love and support!